Yes "It's that time"

I'm currently in a the phase of my hormonal cycle where the only food that appears to be edible is chocolate based.  You might think I'm being one of those 'overly dramatic' females who uses her ovaries as a weapon against men.  And you might be right.  Sorry sweetheart.  But it's also true, I seriously can't help  don't think I can help, that my mind tells me there are two options for dinner- dark chocolate brownies or peanut m & m's. Or, sigh, OK, the healthy option of my dark chocolate cheerio cereal. And these are viable options seeing that my husband is out for the evening, my kids are in bed and my cats are surely not going to judge me.  So, I carve that brownie out of the pan, leaving the over cooked edges to my husband (aren't I sweet), and enjoy some sugar fluff for super.

Why is that you must eat a whole row of brownies before it registers any semblance of 'fullness'  in your stomach?  Luckily, for my waistline, there was only one brownie left.  As I paced the kitchen wondering what to do about this one brownie dilemma I had to stare at the remains of my husbands dinner remains: broccoli and quinoa.  Ug. really?  Fine. I'll try real food.

Wow. It's kind of insane how much better that tasted.

Why do my hormones lie to me?  They always take over my brain and dictate what food I should eat.  It gets even more compounded when I am pregnant and the hormonal roller coaster called the first trimester dictates my taste buds.  EW rice. Are you even kidding me?!! Lettuce, green food, What is that?!?! Don't even let me see it. I can smell it.. UGH. (More wining ensues.)

My poor husband.  I usually mill around the house like a ravenous beast, only a ridiculously picky ravenous beast who says there is NOTHING to eat, I can't eat ANYTHING here, I'm so HUNGRY! With my pregnancy to my first born I limited myself mainly to Cheetos , fruit and Frosties. With my second I wanted spicy food- turn up the heat! Oh and bread. I don't know that I actually wanted bread, but it seemed to be one of the calm foods that didn't immediately send me wanting to hang out at the porcelain throne.

I love how the advice is, eat a balanced diet and you will feel better. Seriously? I think I'll feel better with my chocolate ice cream and overly salted snacks.  You don't know me. You don't know my hormones. They need it. OK, but they really want it and isn't that the same thing?

Trying to feed a hormonal crazed woman (or maybe just trying to feed me) is like trying to trick a toddler into eating her broccoli.  YUM you tell her. Mommy & Daddy LOVE broccoli. Munch Munch. See?!! Oh, sister, do you want broccoli (and of course baby sister eats whatever mom & dad force her too), what about you Big Sis? You want some broccoli? Um, No. Please? NO. Just a little bite, you say as you try and force the fork in her mouth. NNNNN she says with pursed lips.

That's me and my hormonal lies. Give me chocolate. You're going to have to dip that broccoli in chocolate and flavor it with a side of sugar and then I might accidentally eat broccoli.

Now I"m a sucker for packages that promote their chocolate covered fruit (Goji Berries) as some sort of healthy snack. Yes our sugar coated berries have LOADS of antioxidants. And Please don't read the packaging which tells you that it's not actually a berry but some other fruit flavored gel smothered in sugar and flavored with a tad goji juice.  I don't even know what a freakin' Goji Berry is! Did I miss this Dr. OZ episode?! Oprah? What is a Goji Berry?!

But my hormonal brain doesn't care-- dinner option #4- 'healthy chocolate goji berries'. YUM>

Dead Air. Um. Dead Air.

Rusty. Rusty writing. Can't create a sentence. chop chop. Delete. blah blah. Blah Blah. Nothing to say. NO thing to say.

This is my brain.

No, it is not my brain on drugs. Although frying (scrambling) eggs at least twice a week does have something to do with it.  (Good ol' cheap and wholesome eggs for growing minds.)

This is my brain on motherhood.

This is the brain that hasn't had to write a complete sentence other than a haphazard text in the last 2.5 years.  This is the brain that has only read baby sleep books, baby sleep web pages, baby board books, yogurt labels and toddler tantrum advice.

This is the brain that starts one thing, and then notices another and then gets neither done.  Yogurt for child #1, wait, get spoon too... grab yogurt for child #2, wait, spoon, spoon #1 on the floor. Bib, de-bibbed. Re-bibbed. "That's my bib", switch bibs. De-bibbed, re-bibbed. Spoon hits the turf. Yogurt wiped up. Wait-- coffee? Re-heat coffee... "No, you cannot have mommy's coffee... it is for mommies."   "I want sis's yellow yogurt" Switch yogurts, re-bib. wash spoon... "I"m done"-- "What?!" mommy hasn't even sat down yet. RE-heat coffee. Wipe face. Wipe hands and "Off to the Races!"

I feel like the song by Dead or Alive "You Spin Me Round" (you know.. "You spin me right round, baby right round like a record player, right round round round.)  Please don't look up the YouTube video, you might have nightmares.  I think I'm really starting to date myself- that's the second 80's reference in this blog post.

I'm trying to slowly claim my brain back.  I've given in that I will be humming toddler tunes all day long and counting, naming and identifying objects all day long. "yes, that's a purple cow.. I mean flower." But, between the hours of 8-10pm or whenever I happen to crash on the couch-- I want to reclaim my mom brain.

Where did that deep thinking philosophizing, reflective girl go?  Where did that cuddle up for a good book with actually chapters and thin pages (not a board book) go?  I don't blame my hiatus.

I had good reasons for my Dead Air on the Radio.  And this post is my "UM"... so there might just be some more dead air to follow.  But I promise-  in the motherhood sort of-- "wait, what did I just say?", sort of promise,  I'm going to write again someday. Yes sir re. These fingers were made for typing.

Love Means... and other Lies

Valentines Day was last week.  I'm sure there was an onslaught of commercials and ads reminding you as such (I would know if I watched TV).  And even if your only outlet is Christian radio, you couldn't miss it really.  Ironically KLOVE brought up the fact that it was Valentines Day all day, yet I didn't hear one peep about Ash Wednesday right around the corner.  I suppose it's "listener friendly" and doesn't want to have to get into Lent and other complicated matters.

Anyway, I'm not anti V-Day!  I am a firm celebrator.  I love getting adorable cards from my nieces, thoughtful notes from my husband, and the yearly excuse to binge on dark chocolate.  I had a great Valentine's Day.  Probably one of the best yet-- and we dined at home!  So, while it might sound like I'm being a VDay scrooge here, its not that at all- I think LOVE is great, and we should celebrate it.  And because of that I'm going to tell you a few things that love is NOT.

LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOUR SORRY.

Whoever said this must have NO idea what it means to have a healthy relationship.  I can't imagine a world where a healthy relationship doesn't have the word "sorry" in it weekly.  In a real love relationship you don't gloss over the hurt or brush it under the rug-- you deal with it.  You admit wrong, you extend forgiveness and you grow closer.  The only thing not apologizing does is create a big fat wall of loneliness and an attitude of "I'm never wrong".  Ok.  I just googled the phrase- turns out it came from a movie... which takes me to the next point.

LOVE IS NOT LIKE THE MOVIES.. and you probably don't want it to be.

Wow, I digested WAY TOO many chick flicks as a teenager.  And you know, in my teenage state, they seemed pretty intriguing.  I mean they were pretty much a follow up to the Disney movies I had swallowed as a grade-schooler.  Boy meets girl, or girl meets boy, two seconds later their married and it's happy ever after.  However, the teenage flicks tended to be more towards two seconds later they're kissey-faced and college version is they 'hooked up' and isn't life grand.  I can't tell you when the last time I watched one of these flicks and actually enjoyed myself  (other than in the pure enjoyment of giggling from the irony of lies being spewed. I really really did enjoy watching the first Twilight after all it is pretty much girl p0rN- unrealistic male characters and no ounce of truth, but I loved it because I couldn't believe how ridiculous it was.)  I got my hopes up again this VDay after reading Relevant and they recommended "The Five Year Engagement" as a means to addressing our generations inability to commit. BLECH. First of all, don't waste your time.  I'm not sure it could even be in the "romantic comedy" category.  It was neither romantic (basically was about a selfish couple) or funny.  I don't remember laughing, probably because it played the all to familiar tune of crass humor trying to get laughs.  However, it was LONG, I would have titled it "the five year movie"  Next time I won't take a magazine's word for a movie and will make sure to rottontomatoes it first!! It isn't a Harry Meets Sally movie, which I actually think is great-- its just a cheap version of that with little real and meaningful dialogue and a bunch of shallow characters.

Love is not like the movies because 'happily ever after' doesn't end with the wedding... it ends up with an old odd couple that is still holding hands and has climbed over the hill and back again.  It's a lot more like Pixar movie 'UP' full of sadness, loss and love.

Faith not Fear

Happy NEW YEAR! Alright, maybe a little belated, but hey I'm a few days early for the Chinese New Year and I'm pretty sure they've had a calendar longer than us.

I typically was one to dream and write down some mini resolutions when it came to looking forward to the New Year, but this year I tried to keep it down to a motto.  FAITH NOT FEAR.

Man, I really had no idea how much fear kept me from things... I typically thought of myself as a pretty bold and daring individual, yet in a lot of ways little fears kept me back.  My propensity towards anxiousness and worries really picked up a few years ago when my health started tanking (as attested by all those weird blogs about things I could/ could not eat). Then I got PREGNANT!  Which compounded my health worries because my health affected another! And then i HAD A BABY!  Who although healthy, was a little peanut- 4lb 3oz.  So then I WORRIED about getting enough food in her, teaching her how to br3ast feed, and having enough milk supply-- the list goes on.  Gratefully, all those worked themselves out and then I was on to worry about her colic and screaming fits, which subsided and I was on to worrying about her napping and sleeping habits!  Of course all these things are natural concerns of a mother... but at times I really had to battle not letting the fear and anxiety take hold.

It was a fearsome fight.  And I'll be honest,  I doubt my battles with fears are somehow now going to be over.  But I have at least felt that I have come to recognize the battle for what it is.  By calling naming it and recognizing I am powerless without help I can call on others to pray for me.  As much as I try, my methods don't work. I can't rationalize away these fears.  Being the intellectual, I love to read and learn and I want the best advice out there... but I've learned whatever advice I take or follow I have to exercise faith!  There is much advice and wisdom out there, but if I don't have peace from God about it-- I will still be a MESS!

Happy 5 months my New Life I'm so proud of you!  We are sleep training and you are being quite the champ about it.

While I would tell anyone who is struggling with baby sleep habits that there is no magic pill out there for their baby, here are the two books I (and many others) have found extremely helpful.  Specifically the 90 min sleep cycle book changed our world!

Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child   

& The Ninety Minute Baby Sleep Program

New Life

Hello Friends!
My blogging has been a sad sad tale this last year.  In fact, if the records are correct, I have not posted since 2011!  My apologies.  2012 has brought some delightful changes to my life- including the expectation of a new life this coming September.  With that has come the growing physical changes- physical exhaustion and morning sickness followed by a lovely pregnancy high in the 'babymoon' phase, and now a waddling hot finale! With that has been a change in address- we bought our first home!  Of course there have been numerous other life events for myself and my extended family these past 8 months all of which I will not reflect on.  I also can't promise these next few months will be much better as I prepare for maternity leave and adjust to a newborn baby, but needless to say I hope my blogging will pick up a bit at least by 2013! :) I'm not sure what form the blog will take- it might include some photos and personal stories, but I also hope to write down reflections on life, faith, work, movies, etc.  Thanks for sticking with me-- even through the lull!

Checkers Chump

It's Christmas time and that means an inordinate amount of game playing at the ol' home with my siblings.  It began with Wii- archery & bowling (my favorite), we gave a go at Yahtzee, SET, Dutch Blitz, Apples to Apples, and we're rounding out the morning with good ol' fashioned CHECKERS.

And to be honest, it's a little sad that my ten year old sister beats me every time. I mean, I'm nearing 30 (in a few years) you'd think I could handle this basic game.  I was the one who taught her!  Sigh... But I'm still a checkers chump.  I will still play and get stomped.  I did much better when I made her follow the rules of actually jumping someone if you can.  Something about her not jumping produced a killing spree on her end. Partially because it allowed her to not move out of the 'king' spot.  

As mentioned in a previous post long ago "Bringing Back the Board", I have a soft spot for board games.  And with the help of my in-laws am learning to enjoy playing cards.  Games that I rarely get to play anymore, but love are the act-it-out, draw, sing and dance silly melody games.  And since I'm paying tribute to board games, I feel I must give a shout out to the KING of Best Games (in my humble opinion), one that I remember playing with aunts, uncles, and cousins and laughing til we cried-- BALDERDASH!  Hands down, one of the most enjoyable games among quick-witted people.  However, one that combines the quick wit and creative drawing is Scribblish or it's twin Telestrations.  

It's crazy that I ended up played both of these games in a span of one month, and I quickly wondered how both games so similar could be released in span of one year.  Actually Telestrations (USAopoly 2009) was released first and Scribblish (by Hasbro the same people who created Cranium) was released 2010.  Scribblish appears to be geared towards a bit younger age listing 8 and up, where Telestration lists 13 and up.  But what really weirded me out was to see these games listed as a board game to begin with!  I remember playing this game in 2008- maybe early spring 2009 while in grad school under the guise of 'Word/Pictionary'.  It was a laugh-so-hard-you-cry-party-game that merely required 10 pieces of paper and pens.  I love how such basic games somehow get snatched up and now required $20+ to play because they provide for you 5 cheap pencils and a basic sand timer.  I can't find in my online research who created Telestrations and I can't help wonder if it was a party game craze on the West Coast and someone 'picked it up'...?  Someone needs to write a wiki article and let me know! :)

Seasons Change

Wow, I just had a serious flashback to one of my favorite Boltz songs-- Season's Change.  I think I even sang it for a special number back in my Bethel days.  **Side Note-- What happened to 'special music'?  Was it merely a fad of the 90's church culture?  I suppose just because the churches I have attended of late no longer do special numbers, that maybe they're not extinct completely... but I have feeling they've gone 'out of style'.  Maybe not an entirely bad thing, although it was a blessing to see laymen use their gifts, rather than just the 'pro' musicians on stage.

The season is certainly changing- we woke up to a mere 42 degrees outside! I hope our pepper plants survived. Officially Autumn begins next week on the 23rd, but it certainly 'feels' like fall already.  The weather isn't the only thing reminding me the season is a changing-- the flashing red lights on a yellow school bus, back to school coupons, and need for slippers around the house are all clear indicators. 

Personally, my 'career' season is changing as I say goodbye to "Master D" and my one year of service.  The "nanny fam" will be shortly moving to TN, and I'm moving on to a new job.  No longer will I be taking care of one little one, but working on managing a classroom of teens as I teach in the area schools.  I'm serving as a "Creating Positive Relationships" teacher, an Abstinence Program, as well as subbing on the side.

I figured it might be nice to post on something other than my health/food of the day discussions, but it's hard not to post about my excitement of the season of SMORES, cider & burnt hot dogs. Yum!