Love Means... and other Lies

Valentines Day was last week.  I'm sure there was an onslaught of commercials and ads reminding you as such (I would know if I watched TV).  And even if your only outlet is Christian radio, you couldn't miss it really.  Ironically KLOVE brought up the fact that it was Valentines Day all day, yet I didn't hear one peep about Ash Wednesday right around the corner.  I suppose it's "listener friendly" and doesn't want to have to get into Lent and other complicated matters.

Anyway, I'm not anti V-Day!  I am a firm celebrator.  I love getting adorable cards from my nieces, thoughtful notes from my husband, and the yearly excuse to binge on dark chocolate.  I had a great Valentine's Day.  Probably one of the best yet-- and we dined at home!  So, while it might sound like I'm being a VDay scrooge here, its not that at all- I think LOVE is great, and we should celebrate it.  And because of that I'm going to tell you a few things that love is NOT.

LOVE MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOUR SORRY.

Whoever said this must have NO idea what it means to have a healthy relationship.  I can't imagine a world where a healthy relationship doesn't have the word "sorry" in it weekly.  In a real love relationship you don't gloss over the hurt or brush it under the rug-- you deal with it.  You admit wrong, you extend forgiveness and you grow closer.  The only thing not apologizing does is create a big fat wall of loneliness and an attitude of "I'm never wrong".  Ok.  I just googled the phrase- turns out it came from a movie... which takes me to the next point.

LOVE IS NOT LIKE THE MOVIES.. and you probably don't want it to be.

Wow, I digested WAY TOO many chick flicks as a teenager.  And you know, in my teenage state, they seemed pretty intriguing.  I mean they were pretty much a follow up to the Disney movies I had swallowed as a grade-schooler.  Boy meets girl, or girl meets boy, two seconds later their married and it's happy ever after.  However, the teenage flicks tended to be more towards two seconds later they're kissey-faced and college version is they 'hooked up' and isn't life grand.  I can't tell you when the last time I watched one of these flicks and actually enjoyed myself  (other than in the pure enjoyment of giggling from the irony of lies being spewed. I really really did enjoy watching the first Twilight after all it is pretty much girl p0rN- unrealistic male characters and no ounce of truth, but I loved it because I couldn't believe how ridiculous it was.)  I got my hopes up again this VDay after reading Relevant and they recommended "The Five Year Engagement" as a means to addressing our generations inability to commit. BLECH. First of all, don't waste your time.  I'm not sure it could even be in the "romantic comedy" category.  It was neither romantic (basically was about a selfish couple) or funny.  I don't remember laughing, probably because it played the all to familiar tune of crass humor trying to get laughs.  However, it was LONG, I would have titled it "the five year movie"  Next time I won't take a magazine's word for a movie and will make sure to rottontomatoes it first!! It isn't a Harry Meets Sally movie, which I actually think is great-- its just a cheap version of that with little real and meaningful dialogue and a bunch of shallow characters.

Love is not like the movies because 'happily ever after' doesn't end with the wedding... it ends up with an old odd couple that is still holding hands and has climbed over the hill and back again.  It's a lot more like Pixar movie 'UP' full of sadness, loss and love.

Faith not Fear

Happy NEW YEAR! Alright, maybe a little belated, but hey I'm a few days early for the Chinese New Year and I'm pretty sure they've had a calendar longer than us.

I typically was one to dream and write down some mini resolutions when it came to looking forward to the New Year, but this year I tried to keep it down to a motto.  FAITH NOT FEAR.

Man, I really had no idea how much fear kept me from things... I typically thought of myself as a pretty bold and daring individual, yet in a lot of ways little fears kept me back.  My propensity towards anxiousness and worries really picked up a few years ago when my health started tanking (as attested by all those weird blogs about things I could/ could not eat). Then I got PREGNANT!  Which compounded my health worries because my health affected another! And then i HAD A BABY!  Who although healthy, was a little peanut- 4lb 3oz.  So then I WORRIED about getting enough food in her, teaching her how to br3ast feed, and having enough milk supply-- the list goes on.  Gratefully, all those worked themselves out and then I was on to worry about her colic and screaming fits, which subsided and I was on to worrying about her napping and sleeping habits!  Of course all these things are natural concerns of a mother... but at times I really had to battle not letting the fear and anxiety take hold.

It was a fearsome fight.  And I'll be honest,  I doubt my battles with fears are somehow now going to be over.  But I have at least felt that I have come to recognize the battle for what it is.  By calling naming it and recognizing I am powerless without help I can call on others to pray for me.  As much as I try, my methods don't work. I can't rationalize away these fears.  Being the intellectual, I love to read and learn and I want the best advice out there... but I've learned whatever advice I take or follow I have to exercise faith!  There is much advice and wisdom out there, but if I don't have peace from God about it-- I will still be a MESS!

Happy 5 months my New Life I'm so proud of you!  We are sleep training and you are being quite the champ about it.

While I would tell anyone who is struggling with baby sleep habits that there is no magic pill out there for their baby, here are the two books I (and many others) have found extremely helpful.  Specifically the 90 min sleep cycle book changed our world!

Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child   

& The Ninety Minute Baby Sleep Program