Yes "It's that time"

I'm currently in a the phase of my hormonal cycle where the only food that appears to be edible is chocolate based.  You might think I'm being one of those 'overly dramatic' females who uses her ovaries as a weapon against men.  And you might be right.  Sorry sweetheart.  But it's also true, I seriously can't help  don't think I can help, that my mind tells me there are two options for dinner- dark chocolate brownies or peanut m & m's. Or, sigh, OK, the healthy option of my dark chocolate cheerio cereal. And these are viable options seeing that my husband is out for the evening, my kids are in bed and my cats are surely not going to judge me.  So, I carve that brownie out of the pan, leaving the over cooked edges to my husband (aren't I sweet), and enjoy some sugar fluff for super.

Why is that you must eat a whole row of brownies before it registers any semblance of 'fullness'  in your stomach?  Luckily, for my waistline, there was only one brownie left.  As I paced the kitchen wondering what to do about this one brownie dilemma I had to stare at the remains of my husbands dinner remains: broccoli and quinoa.  Ug. really?  Fine. I'll try real food.

Wow. It's kind of insane how much better that tasted.

Why do my hormones lie to me?  They always take over my brain and dictate what food I should eat.  It gets even more compounded when I am pregnant and the hormonal roller coaster called the first trimester dictates my taste buds.  EW rice. Are you even kidding me?!! Lettuce, green food, What is that?!?! Don't even let me see it. I can smell it.. UGH. (More wining ensues.)

My poor husband.  I usually mill around the house like a ravenous beast, only a ridiculously picky ravenous beast who says there is NOTHING to eat, I can't eat ANYTHING here, I'm so HUNGRY! With my pregnancy to my first born I limited myself mainly to Cheetos , fruit and Frosties. With my second I wanted spicy food- turn up the heat! Oh and bread. I don't know that I actually wanted bread, but it seemed to be one of the calm foods that didn't immediately send me wanting to hang out at the porcelain throne.

I love how the advice is, eat a balanced diet and you will feel better. Seriously? I think I'll feel better with my chocolate ice cream and overly salted snacks.  You don't know me. You don't know my hormones. They need it. OK, but they really want it and isn't that the same thing?

Trying to feed a hormonal crazed woman (or maybe just trying to feed me) is like trying to trick a toddler into eating her broccoli.  YUM you tell her. Mommy & Daddy LOVE broccoli. Munch Munch. See?!! Oh, sister, do you want broccoli (and of course baby sister eats whatever mom & dad force her too), what about you Big Sis? You want some broccoli? Um, No. Please? NO. Just a little bite, you say as you try and force the fork in her mouth. NNNNN she says with pursed lips.

That's me and my hormonal lies. Give me chocolate. You're going to have to dip that broccoli in chocolate and flavor it with a side of sugar and then I might accidentally eat broccoli.

Now I"m a sucker for packages that promote their chocolate covered fruit (Goji Berries) as some sort of healthy snack. Yes our sugar coated berries have LOADS of antioxidants. And Please don't read the packaging which tells you that it's not actually a berry but some other fruit flavored gel smothered in sugar and flavored with a tad goji juice.  I don't even know what a freakin' Goji Berry is! Did I miss this Dr. OZ episode?! Oprah? What is a Goji Berry?!

But my hormonal brain doesn't care-- dinner option #4- 'healthy chocolate goji berries'. YUM>

Dead Air. Um. Dead Air.

Rusty. Rusty writing. Can't create a sentence. chop chop. Delete. blah blah. Blah Blah. Nothing to say. NO thing to say.

This is my brain.

No, it is not my brain on drugs. Although frying (scrambling) eggs at least twice a week does have something to do with it.  (Good ol' cheap and wholesome eggs for growing minds.)

This is my brain on motherhood.

This is the brain that hasn't had to write a complete sentence other than a haphazard text in the last 2.5 years.  This is the brain that has only read baby sleep books, baby sleep web pages, baby board books, yogurt labels and toddler tantrum advice.

This is the brain that starts one thing, and then notices another and then gets neither done.  Yogurt for child #1, wait, get spoon too... grab yogurt for child #2, wait, spoon, spoon #1 on the floor. Bib, de-bibbed. Re-bibbed. "That's my bib", switch bibs. De-bibbed, re-bibbed. Spoon hits the turf. Yogurt wiped up. Wait-- coffee? Re-heat coffee... "No, you cannot have mommy's coffee... it is for mommies."   "I want sis's yellow yogurt" Switch yogurts, re-bib. wash spoon... "I"m done"-- "What?!" mommy hasn't even sat down yet. RE-heat coffee. Wipe face. Wipe hands and "Off to the Races!"

I feel like the song by Dead or Alive "You Spin Me Round" (you know.. "You spin me right round, baby right round like a record player, right round round round.)  Please don't look up the YouTube video, you might have nightmares.  I think I'm really starting to date myself- that's the second 80's reference in this blog post.

I'm trying to slowly claim my brain back.  I've given in that I will be humming toddler tunes all day long and counting, naming and identifying objects all day long. "yes, that's a purple cow.. I mean flower." But, between the hours of 8-10pm or whenever I happen to crash on the couch-- I want to reclaim my mom brain.

Where did that deep thinking philosophizing, reflective girl go?  Where did that cuddle up for a good book with actually chapters and thin pages (not a board book) go?  I don't blame my hiatus.

I had good reasons for my Dead Air on the Radio.  And this post is my "UM"... so there might just be some more dead air to follow.  But I promise-  in the motherhood sort of-- "wait, what did I just say?", sort of promise,  I'm going to write again someday. Yes sir re. These fingers were made for typing.