A Wicked Linneage, Even Child Prodigy Derails in Midlife Crisis

(A sad & scary story not to be read at bedtime.)

Once upon a time there was a vile king (we'll call J-ram) who had a father (J-phat) that had served God and the people when he was king. But J-ram didn't care about anyone but himself and many people in his kingdom revolted.  He was so bad that God made him die of an awful and painful disease.  Because he had been so wicked no one was sad he was dead. He died 'to no one's regret'.  

J-ram's son (whom we'll call Ah-ziah, like a bad sneeze) was just as bad as his dad.  He killed all of his older brothers so that he could be king.  Jehu was a righteous man who was sick of all the evil Ah-ziah had done, so he took out the rest of J-ram's grandkids and Ah-ziah to make sure the evil stopped. 

But the crazy queen mother (wife of J-ram, who we'll call Atha-liar) was so upset that her wicked son Ah-ziah (the king) was killed she murdered all the rest of the royal family so that she could reign.  Secretly a princess (J-the-best) hid one of the royal family, baby Joash, so he wouldn't die. Joash was hidden in the temple for six years while Atha-liar, the wicked queen ruled the land.

When Joash was seven years old a priest (we'll call Je-da) gathered together all the other priests and organized a revolt.  The priests were to protect the young Joash and have them stand guard so that they could put the crown on him and anoint him as king.  When Atha-liar heard everyone yell "Long live the king!"  She knew she was busted and her evil reign over.  She was punished in the same manner she had gained the throne.

Joash reigned for 40 years!  He made a covenant with God and the people to do what was right.  He even repaired the house of God so that it was no longer in shambles and Je-da, the priest gave him good counsel.  Sadly, after a long life Je-da died.  He was such a help that even though he was a priest he was buried with the kings. (Unlike the previous kings J-ram & Ah-ziah who the people buried elsewhere. They didn't deserve the honor.)

Now, you would think Joash would continue to honor God and the people.  He had served them and had been blessed by doing what was right.  But Joash liked the approval of others more than God, and when some bad princes came and told him to serve other gods, he listened.  Perhaps he was insecure and wanting friends, "the little king who had grown up too fast" and who had missed out on his "teenage rebellion stage", but  unfortunately his midlife crisis would effect more than just him.  God cared about Joash and the people he led.  God sent Je-da's son, Zechariah (Zeek for short) to tell Joahs to "Knock it off!"  But Joash put mud in his ears and stuck his tongue out (okay, not really).  He actually did much worse than that.  Joash didn't want to hear that he had messed up, so he killed Zeek.  Zeek, the very son of the man (Je-da the priest) who had protected, cared, and counseled him.

Well, as you can imagine, God was not very happy with Joash.  God allowed a smaller army to over take Joash's army.  Joash was wounded in battle and survived, but his servants killed him anyway because they thought what he did to Zeek was wrong.  And again, no one wanted to bury him with the kings because he had been B-A-D.  

And that my friends is an excerpt from the Chronicler.  Real stories, told real fast, with real lessons to be learned.  

One:  Listen to God, He actually wants your Best, 

Two:  Listen to people who also follow God, they're not selfish morons, 

Three:  Don't listen to people who want to take God's glory and give it to another,  

Four: The worship of things other than God (idols) brings about death and destruction.

Bible Characters: (2 Chronicles 21-24)

KINGS 

J-phat (Good King)  Jehosaphat

J-ram (Awful King)  Jehoram

Ah-ziah (Wicked King) Ahaziah

Atha-liar (Evil Queen) Althaliah

Joash (Good Guy turned B-A-D) as himself

The good 'guys'

Jehu (warrior) as himself 

J-the-best (Princess) Jehoshabeath

Jehoiada (Priest) Je-da

Zeek (Prophet)  Zechariah

Imaginary Holidays

Well, its continuing to look a lot like winter to me which must mean that good ol' groundhog knows what he's talking about. ;)  Luckily, he doesn't control the actual spring equinox.  I'm grateful the sun is shining a little bit longer each day.  I no longer have to drive in utter darkness to and from work!  And yes, despite the ice skating rink outside, I only had one day of work off this week.  But don't worry, if you're the only crazy person on the road it's a lot safer. :)

Good thing I correctly interpreted that there would be some "new" things in our future.  I should start writing for the new astrological sign that's got everyone in a horiscope tizzy. Because I've been banking that all along I took initiative, courage and determination due to my sign(Aries), but I actually am compassionate and charitable nature (Pisces).  Guess they forgot to mention, I speed when driving, shop sales only, and don't like that people think I'm 'blond' (I prefer golden brown).  And if I did write up a scope, I'd make sure tell them that February is going to be a shorter month than next year, but don't worry in time it will return to normal. 


Do you ever think that people came up with Groundhogs Day and Valentines Day just because they got really bored in the winter?  Why not confuse/ depress everyone with a strange rodent that predicts the weather and then shoot them with an arrow and tell them to fall in love, or at least eat some candy hearts, bad chocolate, or make a craft.  And for those who truly pride themselves on being patriotic there's President's day to celebrate only a few days later! Yippee.


Next thing you know March will have a holiday where a lion devours a lamb and sees how long the mud season will last. (Depending on whether he eats the chops or mutton first or whether he sautees it with rosemary.) I'm going to call that holiday Lamb Chop after the late great PBS show. You know the "It's lamb chops play along where kids come to play along and fun things are all we ever do."
Although, it might be sad to have such a grotesque way of determining how long the mud season will last... perhaps I'll exchange the live animals for puppets so no one gets hurt.  That would be more in the Shari Lewis spirit.

What made up winter holidays do you want to create?